"Blah!"

I have been claiming that I've been on a path of self discovery. It is not a discovery of any sorts. Its just that the clouds of immaturity are vanishing, to reveal the real world. The practical world. The world I'm no where near equipped to handle. I have rated myself way beyond I stand and in the process I've had a sojourn in my fool's paradise.

The Lacuna

Realization strikes at the oddest hour!!!!

My life just been the gap between Perception and Reality.

"When a man is wrapped up in himself he makes a pretty small package."
- John Ruskin (1819-1900)

I have been wrapped up in myself, not as a narcissist, but more as a realist.

Knowing oneself is important, but till what extent is what I ask myself. After all truly gifted person is the one who can see himself through the eyes of others.

The Onset of Sense

I read my last post over and over again in the last few days, even after having it published. I read it with a really wide spectrum of emotions.

Recently I had a sudden realization that no matter how many times I went over skimming or critically reading my post, it was always form my perspective. What would another person gather from this heap, if at all he or she had the the time, patience and more importantly the interest to read it. Its too obscure, but ironically, quite precise.

So, I plan to publish what I believe is the result of my incessant and eternal thinking. I cant help it if I have been blessed with a brain which is assiduous, persistent, lateral and at times even conceited in its thinking. I'm not claiming to be superior in any way. After all superiority, mediocrity, etc. are all relative. I'm just saying that I'm Unique, just like everyone else!!!!!!!!!!

Shattered Dreams

' Umeed pe Duniya Kayam Hai '

Translated in English, it means that the ' World Rests on Hope. '

The validity of this oft repeated maxim cannot be denied. No matter how pragmatic one considers himself, somewhere deep inside, it is the faint glimmer of hope which drives him in his daily pursuits.

I'm using 'Hope' to refer to a myriad of words, one of them being 'Dreams'. Words do have their individual, defined meaning. But I feel that when one reflects on his life, at times they all seem to be linked together. This hope, for whatever it may be, guides us in times of confusion or pushes us to achieve in times of despair. I just stays there, in our life, at the back of our mind. It stays there so long that we unconsciously assume it to be a permanent entity. Just as when we look at a range of mountains in the horizon for a long time. Shadows of the mountains change directions, the clouds fly by but the range just stays there.

It is around this very hope that we start living our lives, thinking that life is heading for the better, while in absolute reality it leads us to a state of being abject and miserable.

Success is the only way to prove this wrong. But for every success there are thousands of failures, followed by thousands of Shattered Dreams, uncovering the thousands of False Hopes.

Miserable may very vaguely express what I am right now, for I had the audacity to have Dreams. Dreams which have been shattered completely. I am not challenging the fact that they have been shattered because it had to happen someday. It is an apt punishment for the crime I committed by harbouring a Desire to lead my life. But still, now that it is gone, there is nothing to explain my state of being. Nothing at all.

I feel as if don't know myself. Rather, never knew myself.

There is a deafening silence when one enters a morose tomb. I have become that tomb, and the silence is of the emptiness within me. The person who I thought existed within me was never there. The mountains of hope have vanished into thin air. And I shall live this way forever.

Such is the Agony of being in One - Sided Love!!

The Much Needed Start

When matters get out of hand, they need intervention. I suppose its a safe thumb rule which can be applied to anything, ranging from our daily lives to international politics.

Most probably, I'm not going to discuss international politics here. One good reason being that mankind has been blessed by the presence of people like Noam Chomsky.

'Matters' have been getting terribly out of hand for me of late, and so someone intervened. The person advised me that since I have exhausted all my options and ideas of calming my restless and tortured mind, I might as well try writing about it. After all, it is a proven way.

So, after a Herculean effort of getting over my inhibitions about writing, here I am, starting my blog. Earlier I thought a lot on what to name it, my first instincts being of giving it a name which would be 'cool' and 'awesome'. But somewhere down the line I realized, who exactly am I kidding? I read a very wise quote once, "We are what we pretend to be, so we should be careful about what we pretend to be."

Enigmatic Arnab? I don't think so. I behave mysteriously yet I am predictable. I defy all stereotypes yet seem like everyone else. Nobody understands me completely. Even I don't know myself. I am just Abstruse Arnab.

I'll try my best not to make it a dumping ground of my daily frustrations. Rather I hope this blog transfers them to other intended persons, if by chance they happen to read it. Criticisms and comments are welcome, along with the answers I so desperately seek.